It must have been so bad that the S word is in my title...
Honestly I understand how crucial this year is for my future. I want to get that 9 straight A+ regardless of what I go through. I've been trying my best in everything. Join extra curricular activities and participating in a lot of competitions with my friends and just had been trying to be that best student in everything.
The SPM results came out this week. Yesterday to be exact (by the time this is published) and I am just so proud to see all these great achievers. They truly are the inspiration and I aspire to be like them. I am sure all those hard work throughout 2017 had paid well for them. SPM is like the last thing we have to go through before we could officially say "Phew, that was high school" and in all pain and happiness, I want to end it right with a straight A+ certificate.
I've been trying so hard. But I think the pressure around me had decided my own stress isn't enough and had to add in with a lot of other little mishaps like those time teachers made fun of me, the times i couldn't understand a thing written on the board, the times i managed to get myself into doing extra paperwork that had nothing to do with my SPM. I am deeply tired at this state I am writing right now. In fact, I just woke up from a 4 hour nap. If you think 4 hours is bad, just saying but I have slept around 12 hours, 2 days ago and I still feel tired. They say its the stress and I am in no place to say they're wrong.
Just today, I've realized how i've somehow developed the extreme tiredness syndrome and had gotten myself annoyed with pretty much everyone and of course this perfect wannabe was throwing her bad mood and her rudeness to people around. I literally snapped at my choir coach today because I felt attacked when she wanted to correct me when I am not in the mood. I called her a bully because every week I am there, she somehow someway managed to find a way to find my mistakes. Not her fault though. I wasn't that good either haha but I was too stressed out and that happened which is horrible in a lot of ways.
MAJOR ALERT : NEVER SNAP BACK AT YOUR TEACHERS
For all the nice things in life, the school gave us a one week break which by the way isn't a break at all. I literally have all these days occupied oh my god I want to cry. I thought I would be more chilled out and this is the point where I get to destress for a few days but no I don't think so. I am starting early with my homeworks. I literally want to try and finish everything by today so that I barely have anything piled up by the end of the week.
I have also developed a crying problem. I cry at almost everything and I truly am overly sensitive. I think THE STRESS IS GETTING THE BEST OF ME. I keep on crying when people starts to talk about SPM and about my commitment in achieving my goal and just anything similar. A little joke could also harm this sensitive soul and I truly feel unstable with my emotions which I will gradually work on as I go through (hopefully).
It is tiring living up to my own and others' expectations but if I don't push myself now, when again right? I have a long way to go and I know that but at this rate I think all I need is an actual break where I don't have to think about anything else including studies besides my own emotions and my own mental stability. These 3 months had truly be an eye opener on how horrible stress can make you and lets not start on how horrible it had made me as a person.
I probably just need a break and I am going to get that now. Hopefully whenever you're reading this, you're doing well. Trust me, never give up on your dreams. In the end, all of these are for your own good.
Bubbyeee
p.s. Stephen Hawking passed away two days ago so here is a picture with my favorite words from him
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